Without changing a single word...

"whats the point of trying when time after time you dont feel appreciated? the same thing happens over and over again and it might be my fault that I let it go on for so long.. it took me too long to understand. And finally I did.  I'm a social person you have to understand that I always do the talking.. and I'm fine with that." - A quote that was twisted and convoluted by Anonymous.

            I have been so busy that it hurts! Imagine a world were we could just go and do what we want? I've been having to look into scholarships and then suddenly I stopped and thought... ' WHY'? Why is this so hard? I'm simple (I think I am) and all I want is to be able to write my thoughts, have them heard,  and be allowed to speak my mind. Are there any colleges that want me for me? I want to live with my roommates and do my sociology homework (probably a major reason I am killing myself to actually get to college). Without college how will I get my motorcycle? My house? How will I start something that will save the world (I need money to buy my superhero outfit). I have this weird fantasy that one day I'll live in one of those houses where people just walk in to say hi and hang out. Id be living with my man spending time together and never getting sick of him. He'd think I'm cute in every way (even if he caught me doing my single routine). 

                A single routine is what people usually do when no one they are attracted to is around. It may be eating chocolates, or watching cartoons, or fantasizing about some amazingly perfect men just holding you and telling you how proud they are to walk around with you (oh just me?). I also sit in front of my heater and read. I sometimes clean and organize things in my room and imagine that someday I will be cleaning my own house (mine all mine)! I like to pass by the mirror and look at myself walk by.. not because I like looking at myself but because I try to see if I walk weird in any way, if my tango steps still keep their form, or if my "at parties" dancing hasn't lost its touch (that last one was just an example of course! pshh who dances in front of their mirrors... ). I imagine living with someone who will accept me for who I am, and what I do, and what I think, and my never ending babbling. I would accept them for them or else they'd sleep on the couch! (Id actually be the one sleeping on the couch because I love sleeping on the couch and does it make any sense that if YOU are the one that is upset that THEY should be the one that is punished?). Id rarely ever be mad though, I don't like being mad. I get over everything very quickly. 

Actually that's why that quote is up there ^. I'm not going to play this game about avoiding what I think. If I have something to say about something I'm feeling, I'm going to say it, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm trying to start something. Its just how I feel. It doesn't need to be continued. I just want to be heard.




Glad I got that off my chest!

When I was alone, I thought...

.....I think I just want a shoulder to lean on whenever I want.

GIVE ME YOUR SHOULDER!

...or better yet, give someone else your shoulder. Give someone a helping hand tomorrow. Make someones day. Take a moment to make yourself happy and then share how you feel with the world. Give your shoulder, your honesty, your trust, your strength. Then when your done making a difference in someone else's life, do me a favor and just be here for me. We'll lean on each other.

I'm almost there

When it comes time that you begin any trip, you usually have a map or some sort of plan you will follow. You plan to stay on a certain course - to follow a certain path or trail. However there are some people that, while following that path stop to look onto the surface of a lake or a river and they see a reflection. I did not say their  reflection.
The reflection is somewhat skewed and doesn't look much like them at all. The mistake is made when they would, after seeing this, not worry or think twice about it, then they would continue on that same path they were on. There are others who, when seeing a reflection that is not their own, will go back, retrace their steps and try to find where they left themselves. They may think that they have lost their way but actually, when they strayed off that worn path, they created their own trail. Their own options. On that new trail they would see many new things and hopefully that would inspire then to think new things. A person though, no matter what path they take, should have some sort  of goal in mind. If they lose focus of their goal then they may not feel a need to move forward anymore. For myself, I know that I am almost their - at my goal. Did I say you needed your goal to be some huge life wish? Sorry but no I didn't. This time around my goal wasn't big at all compared to the grand scheme of things. It was actually very small and had to do with a small drum inside me that I had to learn to play a different beat on. Yes I'm talking about a goal having to do with my silly heart. I had an inconsistency and I finally figured out why it was there! Imagine you were on a path where it was sunny then suddenly it rained and only five minutes later the sun would come out. I was in relationships that made my world topsy-turvy and that messed with my emotions and clarity of mind - like the blood flow wasn't getting to my head. But I'm almost there - I got off that path and I stopped looking back. I stopped responding to that other beat even if it was uncomfortable and painful.
I know that I will always be familiar with that old path, that lost goal, that inconsistent beat, that rainy weather with sporadic sunshine, but on my new path I only see sunshine and new possibilities. On my new path I am heading to a broader horizon... and I'm not looking back.

Sunday Nights

I should be doing one of a few things..

• doing my homework
• cleaning my room
• studying
• catching up on sleep

but cmon.. there's so much other stuff I shouldn't be doing...

• daydreaming
• stretching
• texting
• talking
• stumbling
• going on Facebook
• staring at my ceiling
• doodling
• reading
• calling boys
• philosophizing on life
• writing this blog

Ah! (this was suuchh a lame entry my GOSH but I just don't want to do what I should you know???)

College ? no nooo NOOOO.....-_- calm your tits.

So you're a junior in high school and suddenly you ask yourself WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE? Maybe you think that you can't mix your passion and college together... well you'd be wrong. I actually have many people in my life who have a passion like.. lets say music and POOF they found multiple music schools that they're interested in. They also want to experience life to the fullest because everyone knows there are so many things about college that NO ONE should miss out on.
Chemistry: You will learn how to mix substances to get you even more drunk.
Math: You will learn how to calculate how much time it takes for your relationships to last based on how cute your partner is.
Extracurricular activites: These include joining clubs, volunteering, sports, parties, and parties.
Athletics: These include joining any sports team, competing for who can stay awake the longest, and cross country streaking across campus.
Biology: You will explore the anatomy of animals, and people and you will get a hands on approach to understanding the human body.. you will understand it from any position.
Future: you will get paid more.

If you don't go to college... youuure missing out

note: these are not reasons why I wanna go. A certain SOMEONE I know needed to be convinced.

Does this answer your question?

FIRST OF ALL :)
I am not a liar. Everything I had ever told him was true.
Seriously though it was complete honesty. I was so happy with him. I would have spent forever with him but we compromised and we said forever wasn't a good idea. I was fine with that. It's so easy to make me happy. You could give me a note saying 'Hi' on it and Id frame it. Id love the crap out of that note. I loved how angry he was because if he had been happy all the time I would have gotten sick of him. Would I? That is the question. No, actually the question is why wasn't I appreciated? What I mean by that is, what I did for that guy was WAY more than ANY girl would do for their bf. Ok let me fix that. What I did was way more than what I wanted to do and HEY where's my cookie???? (and my 20 bucks he owes me) My friends would have given me a cookie! Can I just say that they had NO influence on my ending things (actually first I tried to fix things or understand him). My friends were my support when I'd talk about how my man didn't act like a bf (man) around people... but I was still wayy into him and they were cool with that. None of my friends said "break up with him!" because they knew I was so sublimely happy. HE accused my best guy friend and I of being something more when my best friend did nothing but defend him. When I finally did understand what he wanted in a relationship -which I wished I hadn't figured out, I got the big picture. *LIGHTBULB* He wanted a girl that would just mess around and darling thats not me. I'll wash your dishes, I'll help you with homework, I'll sit in front of a fire with you and defend you from killer spiders, I'll do things out of my comfort zone, I'll run errands with you, I'll stretch with you, I'll wait for you while you're at p.t, I'll watch the MLB channel all day with you, I'll love your friends, I'll love your family, I'll love you. and I WOULD have kept doing all of this. I would have "seen the world" with him, would have put up with his flirting with other girls, would have watched every game, would have spent a whole day on the couch,  I would have let him call me all the names he wanted ( because one way or another he'd end up hurting on the floor), I could go ON and ON about everything I would have done but something would not have been on that list.. so I guess he thought I wasn't enough (I "didn't do what he asked me to" ?). Therefore, he didn't appreciate me. Seriously... I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved by his flaws because he wasn't perfect (duh no one is). So he missed out but he did leave me one piece of advice...he gave me the okey (okay) to go after someone, baseball player, with a white car, nice family, tall, caucasian, at a different school, and appreciative of me.. whoops well that last part was the only difference. SWAG. Awesome advice bro.

Honestly. I really like you. what a shame... that ill get over you.

BRO! DON'T CALL HER!

So here are the rules about calling/ txting/ or talking to a girl to make sure yo don't see too desperate...
Rule 1) THERE ARE NO RULES! Seriously I have never met a girl that has said ' Well he better not call me today because he'll seem desperate.' Besides, if the girl you're calling is going to be thinking that then shes probably not worth your time.
Rule 2) Okay.. so there are rules. If she hasn't responded to the last 200 texts/phone calls/messages you've sent her over the span of one day then she is either a) busy b) not with her phone/computer c) not interested in you.  If you continue trying to make contact THEN you're desperate.

Therefore.... REVEAL YOUR EXISTENCE TO HER! ITS OK TO REMIND HER THAT YOU THOUGHT OF TALKING WITH HER JUST BECAUSE! NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU... or at least I wont. : )

The Best Investment :)

BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

DESCRIPTION:

6’ foot
greenish hazel eyes                                  August 17, 2011
built                                                       to Ms. Ana 
shy (at first)
total stud
smart
hilarious
gets mad
forgives easily
forgets easily

amazing smile
soft hair                                       
will say he loves you          
will like your friends
gently used
great condition

LIKES

the color red (and blue)

baseball
Ana (he better)
cookies and cream ice cream

Tarzan (among other classics)
hanging with friends
bowling

lil' Wayne and Mac Miller (among other rappers)

COMES WITH:

swagger
sweet moments
‘till death’ guarantee
MLB skills
amazing family
car
big screen TV
loud music

DOES NOT INCLUDE:

call of duty skills

clean room
desire to take pictures


WARNING:

May cause over thinking, tears, uncontrollable smiling, confusion, squealing,  happiness, and total cuteness overload.

**By purchasing this product you are subject to being slightly jealous when another girl talks to him, heart break, heart-fix, amazing memories together, bad memories together, running after him to apologize, realizing he has been waiting for you for four hours, falling head over heels for one another, thinking about him all the freaking time, wondering how he feels, trying to read his mind, total happiness, and REALLY CHEESY blog posts.