A New Year.. A New Goal

A fresh start. A new year. This is the prime time for "new year's resolutions" where people make goals for themselves to accomplish in the upcoming year. They create new standards and get rid of old habits. Well that's the intention at least. Make as many resolutions you can think of, wonderful, but the biggest goal... is to stay true to your resolutions. If you say "I will be a better person" then you should be prepared and open for every opportunity thrown at you. Gandhi said, "A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history." and Nike sporting brands' trademark is  " Just do it." Are you getting the picture yet? Determination leads to success! Perseverance in trying to reach your goals! Even Albert Einstein said that "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." Goals shape us into better people (if we work towards being those better people). The goals that we create are inspiration for others as well! A very successful person said, "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." Coming from C.S.Lewis who was able to create an entirely new fictional land for the world to enjoy just by putting the thoughts of his imagination on paper, I would listen to such sound advice.  Leonardo da Vinci said  "You can have no dominion greater or less than that over yourself." In simple words, you are your goal, your starting point, your success, and your end. Success wont come to you... you have to put an effort into it. Winston Churchill had the goal to create a "city upon a hill" - a city of example made up of people like him. Wow what a goal! An immortal goal for the history books! Don't give up. Never give up never surrender to laziness. Its so much easier to just sit and let your goals slip out from your reach. Never stop trying to reach your goals!   He said “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”  Follow through with your resolutions and this year (and from then on).. you can make anything happen.

"To have the goal to better yourself, is to have the goal to better the world." - Your Ana

Dreaming Can Turn Into A Rant

Remind yourself that there is still so much time ahead...and there is no need to rush through anything but rather enjoy the NOW (and you can enjoy the now even more if you pretend things end up with you and your twin boys and your nice car and your amazing husband and you traveling and saving the world and... oh is that just me? )

I cant stop thinking about everything! My mind is on overload! Its a forest full of trees and vines crisscrossing in front of my path in a way that doesn't allow me to see through anything. Overwhelmed with too many details and options I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out. Honestly I feel like a little girl wishing all the time that things would just GO MY WAY. Gimme some sunshine, close friends, a happy family, some love, and can the bad things just POOF away? Is that so hard to ask? Can the school year go by smoother, can the math be easier, can the family be happier, can there be more time for reading, can there be less time for thinking, can there be time for feeling? Recently I heard someone say "people do too much thinking and not enough feeling". Now that's just great detective obvious, but how are you going to solve the mystery? How will you make people start to realize that spending a day with someone who is always alone - an outcast, homeless, elderly, or maybe even someone close to you (your sibling or a friend?), does much more to save the world than trying to finish the homework you've been assigned. I'm not going to stop doing my homework but I am going to keep daydreaming. Its still my favorite thing to do ever. I was just reading an old blog of mine and I was dreaming the same thing about a year ago too! Im going to daydream till I open my eyes and see my life is just the way I want it. *opens eyes* okay not quite there yet. :)

(This is the part where you click on this sentence to go back and see that blog I'm talking about)

Without changing a single word...

"whats the point of trying when time after time you dont feel appreciated? the same thing happens over and over again and it might be my fault that I let it go on for so long.. it took me too long to understand. And finally I did.  I'm a social person you have to understand that I always do the talking.. and I'm fine with that." - A quote that was twisted and convoluted by Anonymous.

            I have been so busy that it hurts! Imagine a world were we could just go and do what we want? I've been having to look into scholarships and then suddenly I stopped and thought... ' WHY'? Why is this so hard? I'm simple (I think I am) and all I want is to be able to write my thoughts, have them heard,  and be allowed to speak my mind. Are there any colleges that want me for me? I want to live with my roommates and do my sociology homework (probably a major reason I am killing myself to actually get to college). Without college how will I get my motorcycle? My house? How will I start something that will save the world (I need money to buy my superhero outfit). I have this weird fantasy that one day I'll live in one of those houses where people just walk in to say hi and hang out. Id be living with my man spending time together and never getting sick of him. He'd think I'm cute in every way (even if he caught me doing my single routine). 

                A single routine is what people usually do when no one they are attracted to is around. It may be eating chocolates, or watching cartoons, or fantasizing about some amazingly perfect men just holding you and telling you how proud they are to walk around with you (oh just me?). I also sit in front of my heater and read. I sometimes clean and organize things in my room and imagine that someday I will be cleaning my own house (mine all mine)! I like to pass by the mirror and look at myself walk by.. not because I like looking at myself but because I try to see if I walk weird in any way, if my tango steps still keep their form, or if my "at parties" dancing hasn't lost its touch (that last one was just an example of course! pshh who dances in front of their mirrors... ). I imagine living with someone who will accept me for who I am, and what I do, and what I think, and my never ending babbling. I would accept them for them or else they'd sleep on the couch! (Id actually be the one sleeping on the couch because I love sleeping on the couch and does it make any sense that if YOU are the one that is upset that THEY should be the one that is punished?). Id rarely ever be mad though, I don't like being mad. I get over everything very quickly. 

Actually that's why that quote is up there ^. I'm not going to play this game about avoiding what I think. If I have something to say about something I'm feeling, I'm going to say it, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm trying to start something. Its just how I feel. It doesn't need to be continued. I just want to be heard.




Glad I got that off my chest!

When I was alone, I thought...

.....I think I just want a shoulder to lean on whenever I want.

GIVE ME YOUR SHOULDER!

...or better yet, give someone else your shoulder. Give someone a helping hand tomorrow. Make someones day. Take a moment to make yourself happy and then share how you feel with the world. Give your shoulder, your honesty, your trust, your strength. Then when your done making a difference in someone else's life, do me a favor and just be here for me. We'll lean on each other.

I'm almost there

When it comes time that you begin any trip, you usually have a map or some sort of plan you will follow. You plan to stay on a certain course - to follow a certain path or trail. However there are some people that, while following that path stop to look onto the surface of a lake or a river and they see a reflection. I did not say their  reflection.
The reflection is somewhat skewed and doesn't look much like them at all. The mistake is made when they would, after seeing this, not worry or think twice about it, then they would continue on that same path they were on. There are others who, when seeing a reflection that is not their own, will go back, retrace their steps and try to find where they left themselves. They may think that they have lost their way but actually, when they strayed off that worn path, they created their own trail. Their own options. On that new trail they would see many new things and hopefully that would inspire then to think new things. A person though, no matter what path they take, should have some sort  of goal in mind. If they lose focus of their goal then they may not feel a need to move forward anymore. For myself, I know that I am almost their - at my goal. Did I say you needed your goal to be some huge life wish? Sorry but no I didn't. This time around my goal wasn't big at all compared to the grand scheme of things. It was actually very small and had to do with a small drum inside me that I had to learn to play a different beat on. Yes I'm talking about a goal having to do with my silly heart. I had an inconsistency and I finally figured out why it was there! Imagine you were on a path where it was sunny then suddenly it rained and only five minutes later the sun would come out. I was in relationships that made my world topsy-turvy and that messed with my emotions and clarity of mind - like the blood flow wasn't getting to my head. But I'm almost there - I got off that path and I stopped looking back. I stopped responding to that other beat even if it was uncomfortable and painful.
I know that I will always be familiar with that old path, that lost goal, that inconsistent beat, that rainy weather with sporadic sunshine, but on my new path I only see sunshine and new possibilities. On my new path I am heading to a broader horizon... and I'm not looking back.

Sunday Nights

I should be doing one of a few things..

• doing my homework
• cleaning my room
• studying
• catching up on sleep

but cmon.. there's so much other stuff I shouldn't be doing...

• daydreaming
• stretching
• texting
• talking
• stumbling
• going on Facebook
• staring at my ceiling
• doodling
• reading
• calling boys
• philosophizing on life
• writing this blog

Ah! (this was suuchh a lame entry my GOSH but I just don't want to do what I should you know???)

College ? no nooo NOOOO.....-_- calm your tits.

So you're a junior in high school and suddenly you ask yourself WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE? Maybe you think that you can't mix your passion and college together... well you'd be wrong. I actually have many people in my life who have a passion like.. lets say music and POOF they found multiple music schools that they're interested in. They also want to experience life to the fullest because everyone knows there are so many things about college that NO ONE should miss out on.
Chemistry: You will learn how to mix substances to get you even more drunk.
Math: You will learn how to calculate how much time it takes for your relationships to last based on how cute your partner is.
Extracurricular activites: These include joining clubs, volunteering, sports, parties, and parties.
Athletics: These include joining any sports team, competing for who can stay awake the longest, and cross country streaking across campus.
Biology: You will explore the anatomy of animals, and people and you will get a hands on approach to understanding the human body.. you will understand it from any position.
Future: you will get paid more.

If you don't go to college... youuure missing out

note: these are not reasons why I wanna go. A certain SOMEONE I know needed to be convinced.

Does this answer your question?

FIRST OF ALL :)
I am not a liar. Everything I had ever told him was true.
Seriously though it was complete honesty. I was so happy with him. I would have spent forever with him but we compromised and we said forever wasn't a good idea. I was fine with that. It's so easy to make me happy. You could give me a note saying 'Hi' on it and Id frame it. Id love the crap out of that note. I loved how angry he was because if he had been happy all the time I would have gotten sick of him. Would I? That is the question. No, actually the question is why wasn't I appreciated? What I mean by that is, what I did for that guy was WAY more than ANY girl would do for their bf. Ok let me fix that. What I did was way more than what I wanted to do and HEY where's my cookie???? (and my 20 bucks he owes me) My friends would have given me a cookie! Can I just say that they had NO influence on my ending things (actually first I tried to fix things or understand him). My friends were my support when I'd talk about how my man didn't act like a bf (man) around people... but I was still wayy into him and they were cool with that. None of my friends said "break up with him!" because they knew I was so sublimely happy. HE accused my best guy friend and I of being something more when my best friend did nothing but defend him. When I finally did understand what he wanted in a relationship -which I wished I hadn't figured out, I got the big picture. *LIGHTBULB* He wanted a girl that would just mess around and darling thats not me. I'll wash your dishes, I'll help you with homework, I'll sit in front of a fire with you and defend you from killer spiders, I'll do things out of my comfort zone, I'll run errands with you, I'll stretch with you, I'll wait for you while you're at p.t, I'll watch the MLB channel all day with you, I'll love your friends, I'll love your family, I'll love you. and I WOULD have kept doing all of this. I would have "seen the world" with him, would have put up with his flirting with other girls, would have watched every game, would have spent a whole day on the couch,  I would have let him call me all the names he wanted ( because one way or another he'd end up hurting on the floor), I could go ON and ON about everything I would have done but something would not have been on that list.. so I guess he thought I wasn't enough (I "didn't do what he asked me to" ?). Therefore, he didn't appreciate me. Seriously... I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved by his flaws because he wasn't perfect (duh no one is). So he missed out but he did leave me one piece of advice...he gave me the okey (okay) to go after someone, baseball player, with a white car, nice family, tall, caucasian, at a different school, and appreciative of me.. whoops well that last part was the only difference. SWAG. Awesome advice bro.

Honestly. I really like you. what a shame... that ill get over you.

BRO! DON'T CALL HER!

So here are the rules about calling/ txting/ or talking to a girl to make sure yo don't see too desperate...
Rule 1) THERE ARE NO RULES! Seriously I have never met a girl that has said ' Well he better not call me today because he'll seem desperate.' Besides, if the girl you're calling is going to be thinking that then shes probably not worth your time.
Rule 2) Okay.. so there are rules. If she hasn't responded to the last 200 texts/phone calls/messages you've sent her over the span of one day then she is either a) busy b) not with her phone/computer c) not interested in you.  If you continue trying to make contact THEN you're desperate.

Therefore.... REVEAL YOUR EXISTENCE TO HER! ITS OK TO REMIND HER THAT YOU THOUGHT OF TALKING WITH HER JUST BECAUSE! NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU... or at least I wont. : )

The Best Investment :)

BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

DESCRIPTION:

6’ foot
greenish hazel eyes                                  August 17, 2011
built                                                       to Ms. Ana 
shy (at first)
total stud
smart
hilarious
gets mad
forgives easily
forgets easily

amazing smile
soft hair                                       
will say he loves you          
will like your friends
gently used
great condition

LIKES

the color red (and blue)

baseball
Ana (he better)
cookies and cream ice cream

Tarzan (among other classics)
hanging with friends
bowling

lil' Wayne and Mac Miller (among other rappers)

COMES WITH:

swagger
sweet moments
‘till death’ guarantee
MLB skills
amazing family
car
big screen TV
loud music

DOES NOT INCLUDE:

call of duty skills

clean room
desire to take pictures


WARNING:

May cause over thinking, tears, uncontrollable smiling, confusion, squealing,  happiness, and total cuteness overload.

**By purchasing this product you are subject to being slightly jealous when another girl talks to him, heart break, heart-fix, amazing memories together, bad memories together, running after him to apologize, realizing he has been waiting for you for four hours, falling head over heels for one another, thinking about him all the freaking time, wondering how he feels, trying to read his mind, total happiness, and REALLY CHEESY blog posts.

The People

Argentina ;
Tango, musical spanish, delicious food, and beautiful people. Its not what I would use to describe a third world country. The reality of it is that Argentina is (to me) the most wonderful place on earth because of the people in it... and it is also one of the most unfair and cruel "hell-holes" out there.
The systems here, whether they be political, economical, or educational, are so unorganized. Here you can´t even pay your bills without waiting in a line for at least an hour. Oh but the people are so patient.. and they don´t start a law suit over how long they had to stand in the cold. Here there are more stray dogs that one can imagine.. and even more stray children and families. They live in homes with rooms that are not fit to house one person, made of tin metal, and they wear shoes if they're lucky... but they don´t run to their mothers and say that the food is gross and cold. Most people here don't have I-Phones and I-things... but they don't seem to think its the end of the world. They´d rather go over to their friends house and watch a game of soccer. The people have friends from their infancy... and they can laugh about things that happened in elementary school. Everyone knows someone worth knowing. Everyone has a friend (except for the president - she has to force people to come to her speeches). So why wouldn't I go live there? Why would I live here in the US? For the cars, the schools, and the comforts of living? Argentina is where my family is but here is where I've lived my life - it's where I'm comfortable. The decision is tearing me apart.. but I think I'm still sane.

High Expectations

Sometimes I just feel so... weighted by everything. My teachers, my parents, and my friends have such high expectations for me but whyyyyy. I wish I had a book called 'The answer to the question "why"'. I should write it - you know, its easier to give advice than to take your own. Today I wore a pretty dress... why? Its not like Id expect to meet someone that would come up to me and say "Dear me! What a pretty dress you have there!" and then they'd whisk me away into the sunset. Uhm thanks but no thanks Id rather have some sweet potato french fries. Why cant teachers just give us a break? Hello we have other classes and yes, families to deal with so whats the big deal? Why do people starve and why can I not go and help them - now? Why can't we all be friends forever and  have a good time and not have drama or deal with wars or the economy or certain times of the month or bad people? Why can't I have high expectations in myself and say that yes I will make a huge difference in the world? Whyyy??... I probably must sound like a little kid. Imagine if I said why to someone, they'd say "Because. That's why." Actually maybe it is just "because". And you know what? The bus driver today told me he really liked my dress. He said it looks so natural and down to earth. Then he whisked me away to my bus stop where I walked to Venice from...which technically was towards the sunset. It all works out doesn't it ? :)

Drugs are 'no bueno'

Young Wild and Free aka (Teenage Horny and Out-of-Control). I don't drink I don't smoke but why the heck do I LOVE this song (besides the fact that some of my favourite people listen to it all the time). Maybe its because I'm young and I can say that I like having a good time  

even if I look like an idiot doing it.

 

*Venting venting la di da* And after all that venting I realized that I really am SO friggin lucky and have the most wonderful people in MY life –yes mine all mine. 

They’re… the jelly if I’m the peanut butter,

the weird music on my laptop,

the strings on the guitar,

the night time to my day time,

the ‘h’ in my HR’s (the ‘R’ to my RBI’s),

the perfect match to an ‘apples-to-apples’ description,

the cheese to my macaroni,

the cream to my sour,

the puff to my coco,

They’re all the reasons that I am SO friggin lucky.

Eat that.

"OK." (The Things You Write When You Are Bored)

Text : (I miss you) but anyway one of my best friends is going out with this really nice girl! I'm so happy for him!

Reply: cool

Text: are you busy? cuz I mean I am too.. I have AP euro but when I'm done I get to see you!

Reply: ok.

Text: OK. COOL.
(peace out muh fuh kuh)

I HONESTLY do not understand why people even respond when they dont plan on continuing the conversation. Is it really that hard to add a smiley face or maybe a question. OH but I also realllly dislike the "so how was your day? fine and yours? good. whats up? nm u?" SERIOUSLY????? ... (wow I sound like one of those texing addicts im really not im more of a "wanna save the world with me?" addict or something of the sort).

so I may seem really mad but it's just frustrating. so for your information (to my one follower [which i adore]) that if I don't respond to you its because I feel like the conversation is going nowhere OR that I am easily distracted and a bit of a dummy doodie-head (but you already knew that).

Moving on... sooo  I was wondering...
Whats the point of staying mad? Or being mad at all? This is not in fact directed at anyone in particular but just a random question I ask myself because I don't see the point. Does being mad lead to anything good? No. So why do we find ourselves being upset? Its a question therefore I have no answer. All I know I can do is avoid being mad all together. I can't remember the last time I was mad at anyone. Maybe a little peeved like with the Texting situation or when I don't understand things in life. I like understanding sooo enlighten me.

My i-need-to-do-this-and-say-things-this-way-so-i-can-feel-better-again rant.

SO can someone explain to me this? Or this? Explain to me anything really because I am TOO confused. So they say don’t judge a book by its cover... alright so I read the book and I'm in a trance. But then the librarian tells me I have to return the book? Let me make this a bit clear. The book is a boy and the librarian is my best friend. Well I think she still is. I dunno. So I messed up. BIG WOOP but CMON can I just get a break? Can we extend the Due Date? Now that I think of it Due Date is a movie I saw with my best friend and the book. It’s with Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis and well it’s a movie about this guy who gets stuck with this pain in the ass but in the end it all works out and he enjoys what comes out of the experience. In this situation I’d be the pain and I don’t know if in the end the person that was stuck with me is going to enjoy the crap I put her through but maybe shell see that its actually not a big deal (I think I make her want to shoot me in the foot). 

First of all MAY I JUST SAY i don’t like parties where people are drinking and drunk before the party even starts. Why would you drink to get drunk? Maybe it’s some sort of escape from reality but uhmmm moviiing onnn. So yah this party that I went to was boring - would you leave if you were bored? I felt like the pair of jeans in the rack of leggings. My friend was a pretty pair of leggings so I left her hanging. I KNOW kinda mean but what was i supposed to do? Try to blend in? So i went to watch the movie Tarzan with the book aka the boy- take it as you like it (which is also a book by Shakespeare about finding who you are in a world of fakes). Tarzan is all about finding your place, where you fit in and being happy there. Being king of your jungle. 

SO explain to me why I can’t be queen of the jungle? Why can’t I be happy all the time? Why can’t people stop stealing my textbooks at school? Why can’t teachers start answering questions for me (that implies explaining them and doing their job)? And why can’t everything just be ok? Be ok Be ok. hmm sounds like a song by Ingrid Michaelson.

Explain to me why my school is segregated and why everyone likes to live up to their stereotypes. The white people are gossiping-say-it-behind-your-back-wear-pretty-clothes people that go to parties and act nice to one another and the blacks wear their pants so low you probably couldn’t see their swagged out shoes. Not everyone is like this but come to my school. Check it out. Hamilton is like a bag of Chex-mix that has been sorted out so that every different snack is separate from the others. DUDE can we just mix and mingle? Sure we can. Now I’m just rambling. 

The point of all of this is to understand... Why not? Why? Why at all? JEEZE (is that even how you spell it) can’t I just be allowed to be happy my way? 

LET ME GO let me be who i want to. So what if I want to go off and live with African natives and learn the language and play drums during an African wedding. So what if i want to feed the starving. Let me talk about what bothers me until I can start taking action. Don’t support me if you don’t agree don’t smile at me if you don’t like me. Actually that was stupid. Ok let me fix that. Smile. But smile with the intention that you want to like me eventually. Smile only if you plan to try to push our differences aside. Let me be the book worm. Let me like the book. Let me walk a little farther away from where we usually walk... walk with me. 

I’m always here for you. Don’t be afraid to be mad at me. Talk to me. Silence kills.

Stay silent if you intend to kill me just know I’m quick enough to get away from the silence. Don’t be silent. 

Be heard. Let me hear your reasoning. 

On April 25th... We can all come together.

The Protection Plan from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Watch the video... it explains everything. I am so happy there are people in this world who are ready to speak up (or in this case, be silent) for what the know is right. You can too.

The Pianist Will Never Know

What is UP everyone?? hahah just kidding no one follows this blog :) sooo this is awkward if someone is actually reading this but thanks a bunch :)
So you know those movies that make you want to scream because that will never happen?!?! Like the one where the cute guy bumps into the girl and picks up the books for her, the girl that he sees for who she is and likes her for her flaws no doubt. No I'm not looking for a twilight moment, but maybe something from the notebook or a walk to remember. It would be nice to think that the pianist that I met not too long ago would someday run into me in a coffee shop (only I don't like coffee so I'd be drinking hot chocolate) and ask to have a seat at the table with me. Wed go on about how we'd been lately and then he'd tell me that when he first met me I left an impression on him and he'd like to see me again.

*sigh* (out of a movie I knowww but who cares. Honestly I'm only human, It wouldn't hurt anyone if something like that did happen.) *knock on wood*

Know what the best part is about NO ONE following my blog? I can say whatever I want and I am the only person that knows I said it. Anthony will never know that I don't really sing in coffee shops but rather at Hollywood Rock Academy along with my friend Sofia Maldonado who plays the guitar.
He'll never know that I love to read but I get so easily distracted that I read the equivalent of ten books annually (if you add all of the books I read half way), he'll never know that I am out of my mind crazy about me :) and that anyone that feeds my ego has me under their spell (over exaggeration). He would think this is weird and Id wish I could explain to him that it was just a sincere thought of mine but he'd never bother to read this - or would he? *delete all* haha
Movies MUST be based on things that can happen... right?
So now you know -not really - and I'm completely fine with that :)

Season of the Sick

*with a stuffy nose* I promise I really dislike being sick. I can't imagine how terrible it must be to be sick in countries where if you get sick you aren't sure if you are going to live. Did you know a cold can turn into pneumonia? I'm not trying to scare you but wow right? It's rare with people that know how to treat a cold but where your main concern is fighting to get enough to eat… it must be tough. For every sniffle... I thank god that it's just a common cold and I know it will simply go away. On a lighter topic… TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY! It's not really the fact that it's my birthday that I'm so happy but rather that I get to throw a tiny little get together and it will be a lot of fun. It's a once a year thing that I get to say THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER YEAR TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE … and yet another day to get presents: D oh yah. My favorite present though more than anything… is a hand written letter. Think about it I mean how EASY is it to go out and buy something but it takes recollection of memories and thought to write a letter. Me like. So for all of you Millions of followers of mine (notice sarcasm) can't wait to hear from all of you!!! … Seriously.

Medusa

I don't think Medusa is ugly at all she's just misunderstood. I mean I kinda like the snake hair.. it makes her a default hard to get. The way the mythology goes is that once she was extremely beautiful and simply because Athena got mad at her, she was cursed -turned into a monster with snake hair and a lethal gaze.You can't judge a book (or a monster) by its cover. Keep rock'n those snakes Medusa :)

So Dream On! … You Dreamers!

I will be happy. I will live my dream life. I will be under the sunshine all day every day (like I'm some sort of goddess) and at night I will be sitting by a fire surrounded by the people I cherish most. I will be successful and follow a career that will make a difference for the better and I'll make a lot of money doing that (but then I'll donate it all to the poor). I will have boat loads of friends around the world –I already have friends in Argentina and Germany. Maybe I'll even move to Argentina where everyone's nice and I can belong. All of my friends will be amazing and fully equipped with a sense of humor. I will be invited to hang outs and I will host game nights. While people are out partying and getting wasted, I will be with my friends in Ghana and experiencing the culture there. My friends won't be glued to my side so we'll always get a chance to meet new people but we will be close friends. My hair will always look golden and luminous and I will always be totally in shape. I'll be doing things like running away from bulls in Rome or climbing a mountain to reach a town in Tibet. I will have a nice car and the rare times that I'll need to fix my car, the friendly mechanics will give me discounts. I will see my brother on a regular basis and my parents will have their Golden Anniversary. I will meet someone who enjoys me for my flaws and when I fix those flaws they will enjoy watching new issues emerge. Maybe I won't meet Mr. Perfect but then I'll take it for the best. (It would only mean that someone who would appreciate him more would have him). I will keep my soul pure and kind and someday SOMEONE will notice. I will be known worldwide as the one who helps or someone that is an example to live by –some light in the dark.
I will be happy.
Sure life may not turn out exactly like that but it's all up to me. So you can try to bring me down but all I'll see is someone that I wish I could help. Yes YOU sitting in your room. GO! Live! We only get one chance at life (maybe I'll meet someone who convinces me otherwise). Let's get back to the world where we could ask for a ride and not even think about our safety being compromised. Let's give teens other things to do besides drugs. Let's trust. Let's enjoy everything. EVERYTHING. Every breath you take. Everything you can feel. Everything you can see. I enjoyed writing this. I enjoy knowing that I hate nothing and if that makes me some sort of freak then can I just say that it doesn't bother me at all.

Patience

My father and I have been sitting and waiting for the Verizon internet people to connect our new modem to the internet for almost half an hour now and I can't help but thinking… what could the Verizon employees be doing at this moment? Watching You Tube videos or flirting with the lady sitting in the adjacent cubicle? Well they chose the wrong day to put me on hold and the music selection while I'm waiting sounds like the worst elevator music EVER. Couldn't they put jazz? Salsa? History of the U.S? I mean seriously have SOME creativity Mr. "I selected the worst elevator music ever now everyone will love me!" Sucks for that guy.

Well really the whole point of this is to take a jab at trying to understand impatience. It seems that today, no one is patient. We are so accustomed to have everything in the moment. Who needs to wait for the Sunday newspaper when we can just read it online (not that many people do that; we just look for the most interesting picture and try to find the article that goes along with it)? We expect answers immediately aka texting and cell phones. House phones are disappearing because we want to reach the person wherever they are and then pester them wherever they are at any given time. New cars even have Bluetooth built in so that people can have their important conversations while driving and not have to break the law. We have overnight shipping because waiting a whole day and a half is just unbearable. We have devices called I-pods invented to store our favorite music so we don't have to sit listening to the radio. Laptops have been created so that we may get the internet anywhere and in turn the internet gives us whatever we want at high speed and anything slower will give you a heart attack.

So here we are now… the society of the impatient.

Alone

I have been meaning to write this for a while now because I feel that I am very alone. I mean I have the usual things that keep me sane like my religion (god, Jesus, the whole crew) and my family (I'm not actually sure if they help with the sanity factor). I mean look around on this page. More than likely there are no comments posted, and still no followers. Even the people that blog about their five year old daughters first day of kindergarten have more followers than I do. This means that a kindergartener's day by day is more interesting than what I want to say. To top it all off my best friend is moving to Texas…Texas? Why couldn't it have been Colorado or Arizona well not that it matters anymore because we have officially become the California girls living like were in a movie. Best friend moves away then she and I will talk on the phone, Facebook, text, while she's going to ho-downs and I'm going to the beach. Later on we'll slowly stop talking to one another and end up running into each other at a supermarket.

Regardless… I am alone. Most of the people at my school are fake drama seekers who only care about partying and who hooked up with who. I have "friends" sure but we have little in common (meaning they don't think about things the same way I do but then again who does). I don't think I will ever find friends that last me more than a couple of years. It hasn't happened yet. People like me have a hard time finding friends because we over think and over analyze. When I'm getting to know someone I try to understand how they view things (the correct view is never one but many) and people like me try to come off as normal so it's hard to find people like me. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe two of me together is a bad idea. Haha! So instead I find people that at least support my way of thinking or agree with me sometimes.

Hither we have

Best friend 2008-2010 who until she sold her soul to cover-up, eyeliner, and attitude always got along with me and made me laugh my guts out of my ears.

Best friend 2007-2008 my twin in everything only it turned out that those years I was actually her not me so it ended when I found myself again.

Best friend 2006-2007 consisted of two people; a soccer player chick who was never satisfied with me and a boy who I ended up dating (which ended that friendship).

Every best friend before then was during elementary school and my friendships really just revolved around the fights over sharing crayons.

Now we see a trend with me. Never more than two years and my Best friend now (2010-????) is coincidentally moving two states away. Lovely. Maybe someday while I'm traveling I will meet some amazing people who do the same thing I do and we will save lives on our journeys together. *sigh* Now give me a shooting star.